"I swear, it's like you have a personal channel with God." 

I heard this from one of my best friends, while driving through Budapest yesterday afternoon. It came out of nowhere, as we were talking about life and her experiences as a young married college student. I'm not sure what I said or did to spur that remark...but I paused for a second and sent a silent praise to God. It was a humbling but encouraging moment--I love this friend deeply, and before and during my stay here, I've been praying passionately that God would find SOME way around my weaknesses and faults to shine through me onto this young woman. 

It's already been happening--conversations we've had, opportunities for me to encourage her. It's all the Holy Spirit, because I myself am far too much of a wretch to make any difference on my own strength. But I find comfort in knowing that God's heart for her is far more passionate than mine, and he's pursuing her and won't be blocked by my shortcomings. 

I answered her, after a pause, "Well...I don't pretend to be anyone special, but I would have to agree with you. I DO know God, and I'm so, so thankful that I do. He really is my best friend, and I do know he's with me and I've heard from him. But it's not me--anyone can know God like this." 

"I don't know. I think anyone can try, but not everyone succeeds," she replied. 

Ouch. God's heart, and mine, broke at these words. 

I spoke softly, then, but firmly--I told her that God is found by every sincere heart, and that the crosses that were seen on the countless chapels and cathedrals in Budapest point the way for us. I told her of the hours and hours of pacing and weeping in the sanctuary or in my bedroom, of the months of rebellion and of the sweet moments of worship--these are the baby steps of a very flawed human heart toward the throne of the Living God. 

It's been months and years of praying through Scripture, of honest doubt, of faith and fear and patience and repentance that have brought me this near to the face of God. 

And I have so long to go. 

But this is real, and raw, and for EVERYONE, i tried to tell her. God leads us so tenderly and tangibly, if only we ask. 

Has your heart ever bled for another?