Insomnia...

I can't sleep...again. 

Ah. My mind and heart are so full, these days. 

Each day, it seems, life takes on another color...another texture. 

Today, I awoke with a headache and an inexplicable sense of sadness. 

I spend the first hour of the day reading...a whole hour I sat...before I looked out the window. 

Friends, we must look out our windows. How else can we hope to survive? 

We must see the sun, and notice the clouds, and step out the door just to taste the breeze. 

We must do this. 

And people complain they don't hear from God...

God is at the window. 

The Anatomy of a Fast

Fasting for fifteen hours is actually relatively easy, I think, once you get accustomed to the hunger.

Waking up, I think, its the most difficult part. The first sensation you experience is a gnawing, sour hunger. I don't like it.

The hunger subsides within the first two hours, and the middle part of the day is relatively easy. 

The hunger usually recurs around 2:30 pm, and there's no way around it this time. I usually feel really drowsy at this point, but once you stick it out for about an hour, you'll start to feel alive again. 

Everyone starts moving a little slower by now, but spirits are usually up at this point--only a few hours till the salat. 

The final hour usually flies by as we busy ourselves in the kitchen making shourba andsambosik and assembling the rest of the iftar meal. 

As sundown approaches, we turn on MBC, which broadcasts live from Mecca. The scenes of thousands of faithfuls milling around the mosque, which is about 70 kilometers from Jeddah, fill the screen. When the sun sets in Mecca, the muzzein begins the adhan--call to prayer, and cannons are fired to announce the breaking of the fast. Moments later, the adhan sounds from the mosques surrounding our house, and we eagerly partake in dates and laban. 

Many people take the opportunity to gorge themselves during the evening. I have had the opposite reaction--my appetite has decreased a lot. It takes only a little food to fill me up, and, although I enjoy lots of fresh fruit during the evening, I feel no need to eat more than usual. Fasting really breaks the attraction of food. 

(Any of my Muslim friends who read this should let me know if they agree with my observations)

Here is a video of the adhan, so you can hear what it sounds like. I like this one because it has the Arabic and English translations of the words. 

Imagine this x100...Jeddah literally has a mosque every square kilometer--or less.

2 weeks and counting.

Well, life is quiet and pleasant here in Jeddah lately. 

Just fasting, reading, studying during the day and dinner, games, and movies with the family at night. 

It's getting easier to go without food during the day, but it's really starting to get exhausting, getting up every morning at 3 A.M. Lately I feel very weak. I'm trying to do a better job of getting rest and eating well at night. Ramadan is certainly a challenge! 

I am leaving for Algeria in two weeks...I can't believe it! I feel humbler with every day...It is going to be such an honor and a challenge. 

I can't believe the news I got from Christ the Rock today, though (the church that is sending me to the refugee camps)--a lot of financial support has been pouring in for me!! I'm on my way to being able to pay for everything I need--I'm SO thankful!! I can hardly believe the generosity of some of my relatives and friends...I think it's so beautiful, the way that the body of Christ takes care of each other. God is good. :) 

Love you, friends! Thanks for the emails. I miss you all so so much. 

Grace

I had a dream last night...

And I don't know if it was supernatural or not. 

But I do know I'll always remember it. 

I can't remember details much, except for the very end. 

I do know I was trapped somewhere, dark and cold. 

I didn't know why I was there. 

But I also knew I had no way of getting myself out. 

It was strange and frightening...

But something changed.

Someone rescued me! 

A man, someone I'd never met before

Opened a door I didn't know was there. 

Said that he had paid for me to be freed. 

I was puzzled and peered up at his face and asked, "But, why?"

After all...I had never seen him before. 

What made me worthy of his rescue? 

And he answered me...

And his words were as clear as day 

And echoed in my ears even after I awoke. 

He said, 

"I'm not giving you grace because of something you've done.

I'm giving you grace because of what you cannot do." 

And he picked me up, and carried me out into the sun. 

There are few things better than playing Pictionary with my crazy family. :-) 

<3

I can be so ugly sometimes. 

Do you ever take a mental step back and marvel at your own words and actions? How can I fill so many journal pages with love letters to God and spend so much time in the Word, and yet slip so easily into impatience, pride, or selfishness? 

But "where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more". Oh, how inexpressibly beautiful is His amazing Grace!

 I always intend to write something funny or informative on this blog, and I'm sorry if I always seem to lapse into 'religious' rhetoric, but friends, I can't betray my heart. And truth is, with every new day, I really do love him more. As I walk through every simple, unimportant hour of my little life, he condescends to guide me and keep me in his most intimate, glorious company. 

The Ancient of Days, Almighty Yahweh--I am his. And it is not through thunder and force that he's molding me. It's his whispers and kisses that change me--gently, but firmly. 

Because I love him, my Abba. And it's love that inspires a difference. And it's grace that enables me to escape myself. 

Joy is mine. And maybe, as he gives me courage, I'll be beautiful. 

 By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for life and godliness. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and goodness. Through this, he has given us his great and precious promises so that you might share his divine nature and escape the corruption caused by our own desires.

  In view of all this, make every effort to respond to God’s promises. Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient endurance, and patient endurance with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love for everyone. -2 Peter 1:3-7

A string of small days.

Sorry for the lack of updates. Days are flying by...Ramadan is in full swing. 

My daily routine looks like this: waking up at 3:30 a.m. to eat sahoor--for me, it's usually some oatmeal and and orange, or sometimes eggs or feta cheese and zatar. I head back to bed as soon as possible, but eating at that unnatural hour always upsets my stomach. I sleep until about 9, then get up, wash my face, and head to the pool to swim laps or ride the stationary bike. I am not really trying to get in shape--it's more a case of desperately needing some space. My father's house has THREE ROOMS. Tiny rooms with lots of furniture and too many people. 

My siblings and I sleep in one room, which barely has enough room for our four mattresses on the floor. The other room is a living room, which has an adjoining kitchen. My parents have the other bedroom with a tiny bathroom. 

Anyway, after returning from my light "work out"--I can't work too hard, because I'm fasting and prone to passing out--I usually shower, spend a good deal of time in devotionals/journalling, and then read, study Arabic, and mess around with my siblings. I am studying the entire New Testament, and it's a joy. I've read so many books since I've been here, and that is WONDERFUL. My inner, starved bookworm is growing fat and happy. 

Speaking of which, I've lost a lot of weight the last month (it's already been four weeks since I left the US.) I didn't really notice until yesterday. Not exactly a good thing. Hm. 

Evenings are lovely. Iftar when dad gets home and the adhan  sounds. Dates, soup, rice, etc. Then board games and Monk when Dad doesn't go to the mosque. We laugh way too much. It's so good for all of us--my dad especially, I think. 

Anyways, this is a pretty casual post, but I figured I ought to write something, however ordinary. 

I miss so, so many people. I've been able to write a lot of emails back and forth with many of my dearest friends. I appreciate it so much. Please forgive the unreliable response times. My internet is pretty spotty, and I've had a lot of migraines lately and found myself unable to write. I'll try and keep up! 

I've been trying to post pictures on here, but the internet won't cooperate. I have a few up on my Facebook though! 

Love you all.