Scattered thoughts (I should be packing)

Heading to the airport in just a few hours...I can hardly believe it! It's been 6 months to the day that I've been outside the US...Lived on three continents, visited 8 countries, and now, it's back to Northern Illinois. 

It really is so bitter-sweet.  There are so many people in the States that I love and can't wait to see. I'm literally giddy to think about all the reunions to come. At the same time, I'm an expat at heart, and it won't be long before the restlessness sets in again, I'm sure. 

Most difficult of all, of course, is leaving my Dad. There are so many reasons it's so hard to part from him...His mother and brother are still in critical condition, and I wish I could stay here just to support and care for him through it all...

Thanks to all of you who have expressed concern and prayed for my family, by the way. It has been so encouraging.

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What have I learned in the past six months? Have I changed? I pray to God that I have, by his grace. 

If I were to name one theme, one over-arching lesson He's taught me since I left the US on August 6...well, I have to name two. The first is that He. Is. Everything. We will never, ever adore him the way He deserves, but it is our great joy to spend every day trying. And he is very, very near. He speaks, and he is pursuing and desiring every one of our hearts. 

The second lesson I've learned is rooted in a selfish prayer I began to pray more than a year ago. John 10:10 was one of the Scriptures I'd pray daily--asking God to help me come to know the "abundant, full life" that Jesus promised. Who wouldn't want full, true life? And Jesus offered it--so I asked Him to help me receive it! 

He did. The funny thing is, I didn't realize what I was asking for--I had failed to make the connection between John 10:10 and Luke 9:24, where Jesus admonishes, "whoever clings to his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."! 

Jesus calls us to forsake ourselves--as Paul wrote, "It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me." Ah, I don't have the time or mental capital right now to describe--and if I did, words could never capture--the power of this truth, of the beauty and totality with which it has eclipsed my former reality. Shamefully self-centered and full of fear, waning with every hour, I was--but with infinite gentleness He has taught me to reach outside my own skin, to love a little more like Christ, to grasp the fact that I have been given everything and now belong to something Greater.  

A few paltry years we have been giving, and 'the world' would have us spend them in panic, in striving, in accumulating for ourselves--but true life, I've found. Released from the bondage of selfishness, we are free to love, to laugh, to give without worry. Gradually, I have begun to un-learn the mantras and mindsets we have learned to rationalize and even celebrate our cult of Self. I'm not there yet, but I have found the truth I sought and I won't let it go. 

Bottom line: finding joy, peace, and purpose is simple. I just have to get over myself and adore the Only Worthy One. 

Time to address that half-empty suitcase. Another 8,000 miles...Here we go! 

Grace and Peace to you all!! 

With love, 

 Sarah