Remembering. . .

What a journey the past months have been. 

I’m sitting here, now, in my father’s apartment in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. The adventure will continue--I take off again in less than a week to Jordan, then to Palestine/Israel. God is very clearly at work this very hour, in this place, just as he was in Africa. I have not stopped hearing from Him, I have not stopped seeking him, even though I’m “home”, and he will continue to unfold glory upon glory. 



However, I still have much to process through...flipping through my journal, it takes my breath away to re-live those months with my new vantage point. God is so faithful and so rich in mercy! 

The next few days, I will post a few excerpts from my journal--a rather scuffed black leather notebook that contains ink imprints of some of my rawest moments. 

I feel God leading me to do this---to bring him glory by sharing some of what is written there. I do this out of obedience, not because I believe I possess any great wisdom, but quite the opposite--to show what a clown, what a ragamuffin, I am, and how lavishly my Father has rained down grace upon me. I hope it blesses you, if you chose to read and journey with me. :) 

So here it goes! 



----September 25, 2009----

 

‘Lord, I don’t know what you have in store for these next three months, but I pray that you’d help me to receive ALL of it...help me learn real trust. Help me to be humble--a servant to all, from this time forward. Help me to come to know your grace and love so intimately that I shed it like perfume on those around me. Help me never to hinder or grieve your Spirit...Take me, all of me...’



----September 28, 2009----

 

‘“If we are to be disciples of Jesus, we must be made disciples supernaturally...Jesus Christ is the only one who can fulfill the sermon on the Mount.” -Oswald Chambers 



 ‘Lord, I don’t stand a chance on my own. There is no doubt in my mind that I am incapable of loving, of serving, of obeying you without your grace and Spirit at work within me. Tear down whatever there is within me that would hinder your purposes in and through me...’” 

----September 30, 2009----

 

‘I am inwardly amused at how much responsibility I’ve been entrusted with here....who am I to be used in any of this? ’



-----October 2, 2009----



‘“You were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked...but God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ--by grace you have been saved.” Ephesians 2:1-5 



 ‘Lord, help me to understand how truly good your ‘good news‘ is. Help me understand what I’ve been saved from...I was dead. Not ailing or unhappy. I was deceased...’



----October 8, 2009----

 

‘“For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake.” Phil 1:29” 


 

This is not romantic. I don’t feel like I’m living in some Stevenson novel today. The problem with real life adventures is you can’t take a break. You can’t close the book or leave the theater when you’re tired or sick or hungry. Today, I just feel weary, frazzled, lonely, and un-beautiful....Be my sufficiency, Lord...That’s all I ask today...sustain me.

 Help me shed another skin today. Help me grow in my spiritual stature. Help me become a little less addicted to comfort, more conformed to your spirit...don’t take away the trial, but help me become deeply aware of your power and purpose within this discomfort.’


----October 10, 2009----

 

‘“The Kingdom of God is not coming with signs...nor will they say, ‘here it is‘ or ‘there!'...for behold, the Kingdom of God is within you.” Luke 17:20