Only have a few minutes to post a quick update.
The first few days of our trip have been amazing--floating in the Dead Sea, visiting Byzantine churches spread with ancient mosaics, eating falafel at least twice a day, and--my personal favorite so far--visiting Mt. Nebo, the moutaintop where Moses saw the Promise Land, and then died.
I can't describe the incredible feeling of standing up there, the sweeping valleys below covered in wispy fog and the glittering Dead Sea to my left. Directly below was barren, grey, a desert--but from the peak you could clearly sea the lush, green, precious Promise Land. Jerusalem, Jericho, the Jordan River--there it lay.
What must Moses have felt? An old man, having been through so much--the struggles, the anguish, the ecstasy he'd experienced--the intimacy with our God. The breeze spilled over my body as I trembled a little at the thought of YHWH, of the Almighty of Exodus--that is my God, and I can trust him and know him as Moses did. Tears filled my eyes as I thought of the sensation of seeing this land for the first time--after 40 years of waiting, of taking God at his Word--at last it was visible, tangible.
Am I willing to wait that long, to trust that much? My God is still faithful.
Went through two hours of hassel at the Israeli border because my of my father's last name--apparently we share a surname with some prominent guerillas. Oops.
Dipped my feet in the Jordan River and the Sea of Galilee...Tonight I am sleeping on the Mount of Olives, tomorrow I will spend the day in Jerusalem and Bethlehem. This has already been a very emotional week for me...God is so near, and so good. I can't wait to share more. But for now...I just wanted to say...
Merry Christmas!
Immanuel--God is with us.
His law is love, and his gospel is peace.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
A New Adventure Begins
Spent the last 5 days here in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia with my father--mainly doing housework, helping him with hospital runs/taking care of my grandmother, and devouring every book in sight. (Fitzgerald, Woolf, Amy Tan, oh my!)
Don't know how much I'll be able to update/answer emails/etc. But isn't that the beauty of vacation? No one will really miss me, though--and that's okay. I hope you all enjoy your Christmas and New Year immensely!! Breathe in the blessing--the air is thick with grace. Bless one another, and give away what you wish you had. Joy, joy, joy--You are so loved.
Friday, December 18, 2009
---November 11, 2009---
Lord, you astound me. I've had so much truth spoken into my life this past week--You are preparing to do something new, and I'm amazed and humbled and so, so thankful....Let it be done as you will.
"For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable." Rom 11:29
---November 14, 2009---
I can't believe the countless ways you provide every single day...so intimate, you are. I can feel your breath on my neck as you count the hairs on my head.
"And from Jesus' fullness we have all received, grace upon grace." John 1:16
---November 17, 2009---
Just read Revelation 21-22. I'm in tears at the majesty. Come, Lord Jesus!
---November 20, 2009---
I was going to go do some work at the school this afternoon, but Abba kept me back. He wants me all to himself--fine with me! Let's talk, Lord...
---November 24, 2009---
Words cannot describe the beauty of this love...how deeply he speaks, how intimately and extravagantly he knows and nurtures me...All the things he's taught and shown me...
---November 26, 2009---
I feel a little guilty--I don't write as much as I should about my physical/material adventures and experiences here--every time I pick up this pen, all that floods out is prayer and praise!
---November 28, 2009---
"For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome, for whoever has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that overcomes the world--our faith." 1 John 5:3-4
Lord, I know I must begin each new day by begging on my wn behalf...so I plead for your Spirit anew, that you might strengthen and establish me in truth and love, that I may obey. I desire to love and honor you with my ALL, and you will not despise this prayer...you will come.
---December 1, 2009---
"This is my body, which is broken for you..." Luke 22:19
Oh, Baba...my heart has become so calloused to the cross. How is it possible for me to be so indifferent to the unspeakable scandal of Golgotha? Cut me t o the heart, Baba--I am so misaligned.
---December 3, 2009---
So many memories made here, Lord--such wonderful evenings spent with my girls. I've been adopted to yet another family--I'm going over for couscous this afternoon to make everything official....haha.
---December 4, 2009---
"Glory in his holy name;
Let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice!
Seek the Lord and his strength;
seek his presence continually!" Psalm 105:3-4
---December 5, 2009---
"Do not be wise in your own eyes." Proverbs 3:7
---December 7, 2009---
"The grace you had yesterday will not be sufficient for today...pray now...keep on drawing on the grace of God." Oswald Chambers.
It's true, Lord...help me to maintain an open stream of grace between you and I...I'm sick again and so worn out...Let me finish strong, in your strength...Breathe in me, I feel so weak.
But most of all, I thank you for these moments, that I learn to rely on you!
---December 10, 2009---
...I don't know what to write, Lord. These pages couldn't hold the praises that you're due...this pen does not have the power to record all the ways you've loved and taught me here. These months have been an absolute gift...grace upon grace....If I've been able to serve, to bless others, I am humbled...but somehow I feel only like a spoiled princess, here, in your hand.
Eyes can't see the way you hold me
Or how I'm hidden in your heart.
Minds don't know all you have told me.
Or how I ache for where you are...
It's invisible to the world.
Incredible to the angels...
Not since Eden have they seen this sight,
Everlasting life...
You are
All over,
You are
Around
You are
Inside,
This is life,
This is life...
Thursday, December 17, 2009
---October 23, 2009---
The Word is, in some ways, like manna, I think--I can't keep any over from yesterday--I must go out and gather my bread daily, lest I starve.
Let me hunger for you more and more, Lord!
----October 24, 2009----
Wow, my stomach HURTS!....Can't eat.
----October 26, 2009---
"For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in this present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works." Titus 2:11-14
I re-read this verse at least 10 times. What grace!
---October 27, 2009---
"It is not that you have gotten God, but he has gotten you...He will do with you what he never did before his call came to you, and he will do with you what he is not doing with other people. Let him have his way." -Oswald Chambers
God, how can I thank you enough for knowing me, for calling me? ...and you are unfolding your purposes in me. Me!
----October 30, 2009---
"For what great nation is there that has a god so near to it as the Lord our God is to us, whenever we call upon him?" Deut 4:7
---October 31, 2009---
"Beware lest one, when he hears the words of this sworn covenant, blesses himself in his heart, saying 'I shall be safe, though I walk in the stubbornness of my heart."Deut 29:19
---November 2, 2009---
This morning I just felt so miserable...my stomach was killing me, I couldn't stand up straight. Worse, though, was the homesickness...I actually went to my suitcase and put on my old AE blue jeans....it made me feel better, at least for a little while.
"You are my hiding place..."
---November 4, 2009---
I spent the day with Rabab and Fadah again...what an absolute honor. Lord, I can't believe the way you've blessed these relationships...the girls are breathtaking, the families are so richly gracious...blessing, blessing, blessing!
---November 6, 2009---
Lord, some days I'm sure I'm the luckiest girl in the world. I'm yours, yours! So loved, so protected, so provided for...and what adventures we have!
"Who am I, oh Lord God, that you have brought me thus far? And yet it was a small thing in your eyes, O Lord God." 2 Samuel 7
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
---October 8, 2009---
'"If you greet only your brothers and sisters, what more are you doing than others?" Matt 5:47
This verse says one thing to me: it's not acceptable to be the same as 'others'. I'm a member of an unseen kingdom, its borders defined by the steps of believers. We overthrow darkness and despair by kissing cheeks, holding our tongues, and giving our lives away lavishly.
I must not blend in--for it is not I who live, but Christ within.
'"Drudgery is the genuine test of character." -Oswald Chambers
Sad...lonely...discouraged...Baba. '
----October 13, 2009----
"All of God's revealed truths are sealed until they are opened us through obedience...it is not study that brings understanding to you, but obedience....God will never reveal more truth about himself until you have obeyed what you know already." --Oswald Chambers
"What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me--practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you." Phil 4:9
This is the surpassing greatness, my one desire: to have you near, my Lord. This is why I obey -- because I love nothing more than you! There is no greater prize. Help me love, obey, and honor you more with every hour..."
----October 15, 2009----
"Good morning, Lord!
I love waking up in the cool or the morning, with the pale gold of the early sun awash around me, and feeling your smile upon me. Your love is so rich! You are so very near...what mercy...how far you stoop to kiss my dirty little face!"
---October 17, 2009---
'If I feel like I'm scraping through the day in discomfort, it's only because I'm giving ear to my groaning flesh, which is wasting away in this place. My inner Christ, on the other hand, is perfectly at peace. Who will rule me?"
---October 20, 2009---
"There is none like God, who rides through the heavens to your help, through the skies in his Majesty...the eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are everlasting arms." Deut 33:27
---October 22, 2009---
"Other seeds fell on good soil and produced grain, some ahundredfold, some sixty, some thirty." Matt 13:8
The difference between the good soil and the rest is the eventual outcome--the seedling disappears, or it produces a harvest. We don't grow and flourish for our own sake, but for God's harvest--"...he indeed bears fruit and yields..."
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Remembering. . .
What a journey the past months have been.
I’m sitting here, now, in my father’s apartment in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. The adventure will continue--I take off again in less than a week to Jordan, then to Palestine/Israel. God is very clearly at work this very hour, in this place, just as he was in Africa. I have not stopped hearing from Him, I have not stopped seeking him, even though I’m “home”, and he will continue to unfold glory upon glory.
However, I still have much to process through...flipping through my journal, it takes my breath away to re-live those months with my new vantage point. God is so faithful and so rich in mercy!
The next few days, I will post a few excerpts from my journal--a rather scuffed black leather notebook that contains ink imprints of some of my rawest moments.
I feel God leading me to do this---to bring him glory by sharing some of what is written there. I do this out of obedience, not because I believe I possess any great wisdom, but quite the opposite--to show what a clown, what a ragamuffin, I am, and how lavishly my Father has rained down grace upon me. I hope it blesses you, if you chose to read and journey with me. :)
So here it goes!
----September 25, 2009----
‘Lord, I don’t know what you have in store for these next three months, but I pray that you’d help me to receive ALL of it...help me learn real trust. Help me to be humble--a servant to all, from this time forward. Help me to come to know your grace and love so intimately that I shed it like perfume on those around me. Help me never to hinder or grieve your Spirit...Take me, all of me...’
----September 28, 2009----
‘“If we are to be disciples of Jesus, we must be made disciples supernaturally...Jesus Christ is the only one who can fulfill the sermon on the Mount.” -Oswald Chambers
‘Lord, I don’t stand a chance on my own. There is no doubt in my mind that I am incapable of loving, of serving, of obeying you without your grace and Spirit at work within me. Tear down whatever there is within me that would hinder your purposes in and through me...’”
----September 30, 2009----
‘I am inwardly amused at how much responsibility I’ve been entrusted with here....who am I to be used in any of this? ’
-----October 2, 2009----
‘“You were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked...but God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ--by grace you have been saved.” Ephesians 2:1-5
‘Lord, help me to understand how truly good your ‘good news‘ is. Help me understand what I’ve been saved from...I was dead. Not ailing or unhappy. I was deceased...’
----October 8, 2009----
‘“For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake.” Phil 1:29”
This is not romantic. I don’t feel like I’m living in some Stevenson novel today. The problem with real life adventures is you can’t take a break. You can’t close the book or leave the theater when you’re tired or sick or hungry. Today, I just feel weary, frazzled, lonely, and un-beautiful....Be my sufficiency, Lord...That’s all I ask today...sustain me.
Help me shed another skin today. Help me grow in my spiritual stature. Help me become a little less addicted to comfort, more conformed to your spirit...don’t take away the trial, but help me become deeply aware of your power and purpose within this discomfort.’
----October 10, 2009----
‘“The Kingdom of God is not coming with signs...nor will they say, ‘here it is‘ or ‘there!'...for behold, the Kingdom of God is within you.” Luke 17:20
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